Monday, August 22, 2016

Effort # 1 as Mrs. Now a Blonde


6" x 6" Watercolor & Ink
from PMP photo by William F. Martin called "Padlock Gate"
So maybe not my best work but I suppose it is truly par for the course. We all know that I am not really an artist but a wannabe. Nevertheless, it is my passion, I confess.

Got a few requests for deets on the wedding.  Ok...here goes.  I married Jeff.  Yeah, I know.  Who'd a thunk it?  Certainly not me.  We were just friends and it never ever occurred to me that it would be more.  We've been hanging out since August 2014, just after M and I decided to divorce.  He made it clear it was friends only and he had no interest in me other than that.  Most of the time I was ok with it.  But I admit that my feelings were growing and I knew it.  I walked away once, maybe October 2014 (my divorce was final October 10, 2014) because he kept hammering on that just friends idea even when I didn't say a word about my feelings.  It pissed me off.  Let it go, man.  I'm not pushing for more than friendship.  We didn't talk for two weeks after I walked out of his place.  Just put my shoes on and said, "Gotta go."  He was mad at me for that one!  Didn't feel I needed to explain why I was upset.  Who cared?

We had a great Christmas even though I was still staying in M's house (which he has since lost) because he was out on the road driving a semi (since he'd lost his degreed field job).  Just after SuperBowl 2015, I realized that I couldn't make this man love me and I knew I did love him.  So I sent him a text saying that I had to step back.  I had to be ok with just friends and needed the time to do just that.  He was quite upset!!  We went six weeks without talking.  I missed his friendship terribly.  But I needed to accept just friends.  After about 6 weeks, he texted me to ask if I would still be a reference for him on job applications.  I replied and said of course I would be happy to do that.

We slowly began talking via text, then went out to play pool one night.  I realized I really was ok with just friends.  I needed that friendship.  It meant quite a bit to me.  I even had tried one date to prove that to myself.  Then I realized on that date that I was miserably uncomfortable and had to follow my heart.  Even if it never went anywhere, my heart was caught and that was that.

Then in July 2015 we went down to Chattanooga for 3 day 4th weekend and visited Ruby Falls.  We slept in same room, separate beds.  He was sick and crabby but we still had a great time.  The weekend after that one, we decided to go up to Wisconsin and Cave of the Mounds.  Then I knew he had enjoyed the cave experience as I had.  And will wonders never cease, but that is the weekend we became more than friends.

We spent lots of time on Jeff's bike together.  I was invited up to Lake Geneva where we celebrated his mom's 80th birthday (Labor Day weekend) and I met all of Jeff's brothers and their wives, with one exception.  He has one brother who lives in Arizona whom I have not yet met.  Hopefully one day.  Sometime in early December, Jeff asked me to move in with him and never wanted me to go home.  I had my apartment though so I would stay in both places, but mostly just going home to get more clothes.  In February of this year, I moved lock, stock, and barrel into a storage unit and Jeff's place.  We got married May 6th of 2016, 19 months after my divorce.  How time flies!

It isn't all peaches and cream, let me assure you.  He's a strongly opinionated man.  I try to keep my opinions to myself but if you put me down, I only take it so long.  I am stubborn and after a bit of kowtowing, I grow a backbone.  Basically, I have my own issues with our age difference and my looks and the insecurities are sometimes more than I can honestly bear.  He can lecture as well as my parents used to do.  But bottom line, I am wildly attracted to my husband and I love him so very much it hurts.  His mom tells me she has never known her son to be happier than since he met me.  (Sometimes I wonder!!!  LoL)

I changed jobs in May of this year because the commute was killing me where I used to work.  Now I'm 15 miles from home but the commute still sucks.  Takes 45 minutes to get to work and I took a $0.50/hour pay cut on top of it.  Jeff works as a paraprofessional at a school for handicapped kids.  He hasn't had luck finding a medical assistant job but he does have a lead on a part-time job doing just that through one of our instructors from school.  I hope he gets it because he really needs the experience and I think that is where his heart lies.

Jeff makes slot car bodies and slot cars for his own collection.  His art, his craft, his hobby.  I'm so proud of his abilities with that. 

I have managed to pass the motorcycle driving test at the DMV, at last.  I had a Honda Shadow but just recently traded it in for a Heritage Ultra Classic, 2012 model, tequila sunrise color.  I love it!  I have fallen on it once (stupid stupid stupid) trying to do a U-turn and slipping off side of road because I didn't turn wheel sharp enough.  Almost thought I was going down yesterday because the light changed suddenly and I locked the brakes, fishtailed, then decided to hit throttle and go through.  Needed a diaper change after that!  (Ok, not really but boy was I shaking.)

My mom just went through some serious health issues culminating in open heart surgery.  She is finally going home tomorrow and seems to be feeling much better.  She still has staples in her chest though. 

With my job hours I am having a tough time finding space to do any art.  My home is not really feeling like my home because it contains more than 20 years of bachelor Jeff.  He owes more than its worth (1 BR condo) so odds of buying house together isn't looking really good at this time.  Maybe never. 

So...enough about me for now.  I have some lovely photos of Jessie's most recent art that I will share next post.  I really do want to get back to trying to do some art and did save a bunch of still life types of images from Paint My Photo to try to work on.  I doubt this piece will sell, but I may give it a whirl and see if anything comes of it.  Thanks for reading and you deserve a medal if you got through all of my drivel.  Miss you all!

Thursday, July 28, 2016

MIA - It has been so long...

Resolved:  I will attempt to get back to my art.


So...it has been an eon since I've done any art work, since I've written a post.  I am thinking I will begin anew, again.  Maybe on another forum.  I don't know. 


Life has been busy for me.  Changed jobs back in early May.  Marriage.  Learning to ride a motorcycle and acquiring not one, but two bikes.  The first acquisition was traded for the second.  A Harley-Davidson Heritage Ultra Classic.  I love it. 


My mom has been super ill and just released from hospital yesterday.  She is very unhealthy and I don't know how much longer she will make it.  She's a trouper though.  Or is it trooper?  Meh.


Jessie has been painting and as always, her work is just exquisitely beautiful. 


LeAnn is pregnant with her fourth baby (fifth pregnancy, as many will remember).


I miss all my artist buddies but since I have dropped off the face of the earth for all intents and purposes, starting a new blog is not a bad idea.  It is hard to not blog my thoughts and emotions and keep it strictly about art.  But I will give it the ol' college try.  I like the art world.  It is where I am most comfortable, even if other artists do not accept me as one of their own.  What will be...will be.

Friday, March 11, 2016

Hawk


Well, as usual with BlogSpot, I am having a problem posting.  Cannot get the writing to align left.  Sigh...  (Hah!  Went back and highlighted the whole paragraph and it seems I got it to align now!)  So the above is watercolor with a little ink added to define edges.  A look I tend to like.  I was the kid who always outlined in the coloring books.  Jeff just said, "Its nice," so I put it away behind closed doors.  Don't know what I hoped for but I guess a wee bit more enthusiasm.  This is why I do so little art.  Just not good enough.  Story of my life.


Remember about a year ago when LeAnn (youngest daughter) had a baby?  Well this is Jayson now.  This was his first birthday last Saturday.  He let Mimi hold him without crying (a rarity) but only because he could see his mom.  And my hair?  Ei yi yi.  Breaking terribly.  Roots are awful.  Biting the bullet and seeing a higher end salon today (last time I went, I liked the color result but she fried my hair...hence the breakage) to work on repair and lightening the color.  I really don't want to go blond; I love red hair.  That said, the gray...completely gray...roots look awful by two weeks after coloring them against the red.  I'd insert a crying emoticon here but don't have a clue how to do that.  So, I will see what they say, if they'll even touch it because of so much breakage, and angle towards blond.  If I have to go blond, and I have my druthers, I want to go to the white blond...a la Pink, Gwen Stefani, Christina Aguilera. 

Yes, Jeff has me hooked on The Voice.  LoL  And I am hooked on Inkmaster too.  My two shows I watch in a week.  If I can stay awake.

Portraits?  Little girl drawing looking good.  Little guy has issues.  I haven't touched it in a week.  Just no energy after all the commuting and work. 

Friday, March 4, 2016

Down, not out?

Hi anyone left out there who may read my blog.  It has gone through many incarnations, deletions, laughter, joys, and tears.  I've had new starts (literally, figuratively, and with the blog itself), endings, and have I mentioned...tears?

Life has been super busy.  Super busy.  I am still commuting 2 to 3 hours a day, depending on traffic, but pretty steadily 2.5 hours per day.  My job keeps me hopping and drained but it seems that everyone there really likes me.  Color me surprised.  A lifetime of judgment and criticism tends to lead me not to expect such things.  Its ok though.  I yams what I yams...and I know I've quoted that particular Popeye line before.

I've moved in with Jeff and as you might expect, relationships are hard!  But the joy he brings me is more than worth the occasional low points.  Life is good.  We bought me (well, he bought it but I'm paying back) this:


I will begin riding classes soon enough.  I'd much rather ride behind Jeff, but I am excited to share such a big part of his life with him in this way.  Since it is a used bike and NOT a Harley, the costs were kept down.  I was concerned about that. 

In my own little art world corner, it has been difficult finding time to work on anything.  I tried one watercolor and it went in the trash before it was even half done.  It was that bad.  No lie.  So?  I am in the middle of trying another, a painting of a hawk for Jeff.  So far, the drawing looks amazing.  I guess I am doomed to be a grid drawer.  On the agenda after that?  The PA at my work has twins, a boy and a girl.  The little guy has a myriad of health problems and will always have to be fed with a G-tube.  But he's a gorgeous little guy, looks like his daddy a lot.  I was inspired by an article I read (Strathmore newsletter, maybe?) about an artist who did portraits of children who have been struck by cancer.  They don't always make it, as we all know.  He does the portraits for free.  I was so touched.  Truly.  Wished I had the skill and capacity to do such a thing.  But it immediately had me wanting to paint Rob's son...and daughter.  I do not know the little guy's prognosis.  But I can only hope and pray that he can live a long life.  I love doing portraits, not sure why.  Maybe because I am so full of emotion...can't shut it down.  Overwhelms me so much.  I love people...the normal and good ones.  So?  If you know of anyone who might be uplifted by such a gift, please send me a photo and I'd love to give it the ol' college try.

In the meantime, I am applying for other jobs...sporadically.  Not because I hate where I'm at but because mostly the commute.  Its sucking the life out of me.  It is difficult finding time to do it...  And I did go to an interview and was offered another position.  But?  Pay was comparable and I would have lost all clinical stuff that I do now and would have had to pay to park.  It was a prestigious place to work and I hate that I probably burned a bridge by turning it down but I also have to be smart.  The hands on that I get to do now is also important.

If I don't screw up the hawk, I will post it upon completion.  In the meantime, here's another of my favorites for ya...

 

Friday, October 16, 2015

To You, Daddy


Trying to center this embedded youtube...but of course, BlogSpot being adversarial.  Sigh...

My dad's birthday is October 20th.  He was born in 1937 so he would be 78 this next Tuesday.  I miss him so very much.  He wasn't perfect by any stretch.  But he was a good daddy...he made me strive to be my best in every effort I undertook.  He loved me, always.  He thought I was a pretty.  (I look like my dad.  LoL)  If I was ever embarrassed of you, Daddy, I am so sorry.  I'd give almost anything to have you back.  To dance with you again. 

Still working and running every day.  Still spending my weekends with Jeff.  I love him so very much.  And he loves me.  It doesn't get much better than that. 

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Bail out.

I think it may be time to close down the blogging activities. I just do not have the time to write or to visit these days. Not doing art and had to turn over the doc's portrait to my daughter; I just couldn't get it right. She did a great job. Below is a cropped version (his name was also on the piece so cut it off for purposes of the blog). I think I posted the photo we had to work from earlier...

 photo IMG_0932_zpssnwchgxw.jpg

This is gouache, total piece is 8 x 10 and it will be black matted and black framed.  I find my daughter's talent absolutely amazing.  Best artist I know (and no offense to anyone intended but she astounds me with her abilities).  She has a style I find unique and fresh as well.  She's a southpaw; aren't lefties always talented?

Anyway, not going to completely shut down the blog...but I am hopeful you will all understand if I am missing for awhile.  Not enough hours in the days or weeks these days.  My weekends go to Jeff, my weekdays to work and commute.  Struggling to find a balance; have to do one, love doing the other.  No pun intended.  Ok...well...maybe.

I am super tired, running on empty.  Feeling every one of the years.  Too much too much.  I miss working on art but maybe it is better left to those with the talent and ability to do it.  I just don't have enough.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Can't keep a good man down.

Ok, so I'm not a man. But I can't handle two blogs. Not right now anyway. So gone is the second one. Been too long here so this one stays. Feeling a tectonic shift within, moving towards closing in on myself as I used to be when I was young. We shall see if it is a passing mood or a sign of times to come. It stems from tons of self doubt and insecurity and that wave is at high tide currently. Met with best friend from way back in high school for dinner last night. She's visiting from Texas. Went to a place called the Barley Fork and had a burger; nice place and food was decent enough. Though I suppose by and large, a burger is a burger, no? I asked for medium well and got an awful lot of pink inside. But flavor was there. I want to start dragging sketchbook to work with me. I really find zero time for art and Jessie is going to give this portrait a go for me. Thank God. It is still a personal gift from me to the doc but she's a better artist and I'm grateful for her help. For those in the know, things going ok with Jeff. He goes quiet on me and I begin to worry, fret, and doubt it all. But what will be will be. I can't force anything and quite honestly, I do not want to. So angst will stay within and I just plod through the days. All I can do. So now I'm off to read blogs with my second cup of coffee and then iron scrubs and head out for another day. Supposed to be off tomorrow but since I called off Monday, may be asked to work tomorrow. Half day of work on Saturday. Joy and rapture. I guess that princess thing is just not going to happen for me. Sigh...